A Thousand Reasons
by Anake14
Summary: Lovina gave up everything for her chance at happiness, but time and fate are cruel, willing to pull her into a storm of suffering. In the end there can only be one price to be paid, but choices can change it. The question is: who is willing to tempt it?
1. Chapter 1

A Thousand Reasons

A/N: I am officially an idiot. Why do I give in so easily to requests? Why? Am I that weak? Damn…This is the sequel to Of Truth and Lies, written by request and this one is not going to be a one shot because I don't have time to write another long one shot, so you will all have to deal with random updates when I get the chance. If you recall the poem _"Teller, Teller"_ from the first story, it actually does have a role in my writing, as do the songs. By the way are all of you hinting at something, because my one-shots seem to get more requests than my actual stories do…

Summary: Lovina gave up everything for her chance at happiness, but time and fate are cruel, willing to pull her into a storm of suffering. In the end there can only be one price to be paid, but choices can change it. The question is: who is willing to tempt it?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia Axis Power, but I own my overly random plotline and any OCs I throw in.

Chapter 1: …For Her to Live

**South Italy**

Eleven years had passed since she had given birth to the twins. Twenty years since she had officially left the World Conferences behind and chose to live amongst humans. It all seems so long ago, she thought while smiling. To her it really did, because now she was happy, now she was free to do everything without criticism of the other nations and all their traditions and shit. She was free of suffering, free of cruelty, free to act how she pleased and live how she wanted.

Lovina could think of a thousand reasons why she was glad she gave up being a nation as she walked hand in hand with her two children in the market, reveling in the freedom that came with no longer being one. She knew so much and yet so little, loved her nation for what it was and forgave her people for all the injuries done to her…forgave but never forgot. It would be foolish of her to forget why she was raising her children with only the help of Sadiq, a man she had once hated and oh she could think of a thousand reasons for that as well, but he was like a brother to her now. He spent so much time helping her to raise Antonia and Lovino that he had truly become a constant in her life. She was never alone anymore and that thought made her the happiest.

The freedom was blissful, but there were small things, insignificant things that she began to notice too. She was still bonded to her homeland, she didn't age, and her children were not aging at the pace of humans either. They would age a year every time they showed a higher level of maturity. Currently they actually looked their age, but she knew time would eventually stop for them too. She would never stop loving, it had taken her centuries to find love, a few more to acknowledge it, and yet more to act on it, it may have been the hardest part but she did not regret it. She would never regret anything she did.

Perhaps it makes little sense to someone who would be considered normal, but after years of watching humans, of fighting for them in wars and nearly dying, she understood fate a little better than them. They always say they have regrets, they want to live lives without them, but there is no such thing as a life without regret, the only thing they can do is take the path they will regret the least, live life to the fullest and enjoy it. She tried to as best she could, she loved to the fullest, felt her heartbreak a little more every time, lived to protect her brother, and she sacrificed so much of herself for the others, so much more than they would ever know, that they would never know. In the house she lived in with her children, in her room there lay a secret, a hidden stairway that led to the truth, her journals, everything that was her, part of her life, antiques and all, were hidden there where no one would dare go, not even her.

Lovina no longer went by her name nor did she use the alias Lina Rosa anymore. To her amusement, and Sadiq's, she called herself Rosalina Vara, choosing to eliminate the other letters from her name in the anagram. She knew she was doing the right thing; no one could connect her to her previous life so no one would ever remember, no one would ever know but her, Sadiq, and, when the time came, her children. Antonia and Lovino were her pride and joy, to no end they brought her and their 'uncle' unending amusement by their actions.

Surprisingly, or not so much so, Antonia was the carbon copy of her father in looks with long hair that she kept braided and the only thing looking remotely like her mother's was that damnable stray curl that never stayed flat or plaited. The only thing was she totally got her mother's personality as well, acting much like Lovina had when she was younger, and embarrassed easily to the point of retaliation being physically harmful and cussing up a storm. Lovino looked like Feliciano, Lovina's brother, but the eyes were most definitely their mother's, those amber orbs would only ever belong to their beautiful mother who delighted in teasing and flirting, the eyes that sparkled with mischief as she taught them pranks and made their lessons fun so that they would want to know more about where they came from, who they were, and the cultures they were so much a part of.

Lovina delighted in teaching her children dances from Spain and Italy, taught them about the histories and the people, experimented with the food, and taught them why knowing about others was important. She taught them the history about the world, not just from the victors' standpoint, but from those who had lost their battles as well. She taught them the consequences of engaging those who are stronger or smarter, explained that peace was only superficial and explained the Latin saying, '_Sic vis pacem, para bellum._' It means 'If you want peace, prepare for war.' She explained that peace only lasted as long as fear did, the more people were afraid to fight another nation they would be reluctant to start a war, but once the fear passed or they gained confidence another war would start. Then she told them it wasn't worth it. War would take and take, it never gave anything or helped anyone and in the end there were no true victors because war isn't about who is _right_ it is about who is _left_, it is about the survivors who have to move forward, the ones who suffer the most and have to keep themselves together, the people who have to lead the rest without showing their own suffering.

It was warm out, the slight breeze feeling comfortable to her and the children as they walked down the streets, their hands held in their mother's who was gazing in front of her steadily leading them back home from the afternoon market, though her mind was somewhere far away. They had learned long ago how to read their mother, her emotions from her eyes and body language because she would never say what she really meant, and they knew she was remembering a time from before they were with her as she stared at the distant horizon as they approached their small home. It was a comfortable cottage off the coast, not too far from town but not too close.

"_Mama_, why do you look so sad?" Antonia asked, breaking her out of her trance as Lovina looked down at her daughter, the female version of the man she loved in every way that mattered, and pushed open the door to their home, moving to the counter to set down their purchases.

"Mama is not sad, _mia filia_," she said, giving her daughter the best smile she could manage. She had been feeling unsettled, a warning of something to come but she wasn't sure what. "Mama, is very happy with you and your brother. I love you two so~ much, how can you doubt me?"

Lovino stood off to the side, a pout and a glare on his face, but the small tell-tale blush let her know he was listening just as well as Antonia. Antonia, however, gave her mother a shocked look, and said, "_Lo siento_, mama, I didn't mean that I doubt you. You and tio Sadiq are the world to 'Vino and me…I just wanted to know who took away your happiness that you try to give us?"

Her daughter was way to perceptive, Lovina thought as she sighed. She loved them, gave them everything she knew they would need in life, taught them all they needed to know, made sure they never felt the way she had, because she loved them both equally and never wanted one to feel like they weren't as good as the other. They were both just good at different things and even then they both had extraordinary talent. She taught the two of them dances like the tango, flamenco, tarantella, waltz, and many others, taught them the beauty of art and culture, showed them a world regular humans never got to see and gave them the languages they would need to know.

"No one took away my happiness, _mi carina_, _mi nina_," Lovina whispered as she bent down and wrapped her arms around her children. "I am very happy. I have two of the most adorable children and I get to live in the house where I grew up and I don't have to worry…"

Her words were cut off by a whimper of pain. She released them and gently pushed them away as she started coughing, she could feel the pain rip through her body, this wasn't supposed to happen, she had given it up, and why was she still feeling the pain of her nation, not just hers but her brother's as well? What was happening to her? The last thing she saw before she blacked out was the horrified looks on her children's faces and the blood on the floor.

**World Meeting: North Italy**

Just as the meeting was about to start there was a thunderous roar and they felt the shaking of the building and could hear chaos outside as people ran for cover from falling object, some of the buildings falling apart adding to the devastation, people calling out to each other to make sure they were okay. Sadiq was only vaguely concerned with Italy's welfare as he hear Germany ask, "Italy, are you okay?"

"Ve~, I'm fine Germany," Feliciano said as he got up and dusted himself off. Warning bells went off in Sadiq's head as he paled rapidly becoming a shade of white that the other nations thought wasn't possible for someone so tan.

A shrill ringing filled the conference room as his phone rang and he knew whatever the reason for the call, it was in no way good. He answered; his voice held a small tinge of fear as he spoke and his hands shook a bit, "Hello?"

"_Tio Sadiq,_" he heard Antonia whimper into the phone and he could practically see her face streaming with tears. "_Something's wrong with mama! She's bleeding and she collapsed and fainted…and I…Lovino and I don't know what to do! We can't move her…she said something about Italy and we…"_

"Listen to me, hush, _nina_," Sadiq said, trying to calm the little girl on the other line, knowing panicing would do no good until he could get there and assess whatever had happened to Lovina. His casual use of the Spanish word raised a few eyebrows but none commented. "Everything is going to be all right; I'll leave now and get there soon. Don't do anything, but call that doctor, the one who knows your _mama_. You can do that, _si_? You can be strong _nina_ for your _mama, si_?"

"_Si, tio,_" she said, calming after hearing that he was on his way. He was the closest thing Antonia and Lovino had to a father, knowing he was on his way to help mother was the only thing she could trust, because he was always there, there to make their mom happy when she was sad, there on days their mom cried to comfort her, there to make sure nothing happened to them, so he was the only adult they could trust.

He hung up the phone and sighed, this was not a good turn of events, not even close. Something was obviously wrong, Lovina had been fine for years, not a single bit of pain for years, and now this, it wasn't even in her part of Italy, but she was affected, she was hurt. There was something wrong and he was determined to find out what.

"Italy, I need you to tell me the quickest way to get to this address from here," said Sadiq, showing Italy the address that was written on a plain piece of paper.

"Ve~ that's so far away though," said Italy thoughtfully, "the quickest way would be to drive but the road is all messed up…if you go down thirteen blocks south, go west four blocks, follow the alley for about twenty minutes and then take a right you should be near the market in the town there, ve~."

"_Grazie, Feliciano_," said Sadiq as he ran off without any hesitation. He had to make it, he had to know she was all right, because he had not spent the past twenty years watching over Lovina only to have her taken away because of something to do with the nation that neither of them understood. He wasn't going to lose her now that he's spent time with her and gotten to know her and helped her raise her children, he was not going to lose the only person who treated him as a friend that he could talk to about anything and everything, he _would not lose her._ Not when she had a thousand reasons to live.

A/N: I'm an idiot, but the inspiration struck, seriously don't expect many updates because I really really want to finish my other stories. *pouts and sulks in a corner* I can't believe I keep doing this to myself…


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I decided it was unfair of me to suddenly stop posting my stories on here and leave all my followers. As such I will be continuing all of my stories, starting with A Thousand Reasons and Dangerous Love. I will be taking down my notices of the changed site, though it will remain on my profile. This chapter has been floating around between myself and a friend and has been put through so many additions and reviews that we finally decided it was good enough. I hope you enjoy this.

Summary: Lovina gave up everything for her chance at happiness, but time and fate are cruel, willing to pull her into a storm of suffering. In the end there can only be one price to be paid, but choices can change it. The question is: who is willing to tempt it?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia Axis Power, but I own my overly random plotline and any OCs I throw in. I also don't own Avril Lavigne's song When You're Gone.

A Thousand Reasons

Chapter 2: To Find the Truth

Sadiq rushed through the streets of southern Italy, not caring that another nation, if not a few, were following him. He had to reach her as quickly as he could, because he could not trust someone to not notice the oddity in her injury, possibly injuries. Northern Italy had just been devastated, the people were in shock, and the land itself had destroyed buildings and had probably killed more than a few people. South Italy was still closely tied with Spain, should Spain fall due to the rising crisis of the European Union and the Euro crisis, Italy itself would not be far behind. Just moments ago when he had been in the World Meeting he could see it taking its toll on the nations, England put on a good show but he was pale, France had not been as flamboyant as he normally would have been, and Spain had looked sick, though whether that was because of his economy, the political issues, or the fact that he couldn't remember why he felt so empty Sadiq hadn't the faintest idea.

As he got closer to the house he could make out the two worried forms of Antonia and Lovino. He sighed, they were such good and faithful children, they didn't deserve to have something so terrible to happen to their family…as he thought about it, it was his family too. A family, something he had never really thought to have considering he was always at odds with the other nations, including the lovely personification of southern Italy, yet it was true. Lovina had let him in, clung to him as though he were her lifeline, and he knew he very well could be, because without Antonio, that hell's blasted Spaniard, she had pretty much fallen apart. Sadiq vaguely knew he was her support, just as she was his confident. He may not love her as he once did and they may have a bit of an abnormal bond, but they cared about each other and they had raised the twins well.

"Tio Sadiq!" the twins cried out as he ran towards them and enveloped them in a hug.

"I'm here, I'm here," he whispered consolingly. "Take me to your mama, si?"

"Si, tio, mio madre is in the kitchen here," said Antonia, leading him to her.

From what Sadiq knew of the economic situation was that Europe was slowly dying, drowning from their own debts with no way of repaying them anytime soon, Europe was slowly falling Spain would not be far behind the damned Greek and if Spain fell Italy would follow, something he knew was worrying Germany as well.

Turkey cringed as he caught sight of Lovina's small form. She had always been small and was resigned to that fact, but seeing her curled up in pain with droplets of blood, made her seem so much smaller. Lovina was a proud woman, a woman he knew to be of courage that always spoke her mind and gave her opinion, wanted or not, comforting or not, she would state it. She was a nation so much younger than he was but in her life he knew she had seen much more than she should have and almost wished he could have protected her from that but also knew he couldn't have done much better, she'd still be the same.

Turkey could hear a few other nations crowded outside the door, trying to talk in low voices and the children were both worried for their mother, this was something they couldn't handle. "Did you call the doctor?"

"Of course we did, bastard!" snapped Antonia. "We need mama!"

"I'm just as worried, Antonia, do not take this out on me. I need you to go get me some warm water in a bowl and a cloth. Lovino go get a blanket and a pillow. I don't think we should move her, just in case…" his voice trailed but they understood. Getting up he swiftly went to the door and saw both England and America outside and raised his eyebrows behind his mask. "What are you two doing here?"

"This stupid git dragged me here," started England, but America cut him off, "We were worried. You were talking to some children right?"

Reluctantly, Sadiq found himself nodding. "Do either of you know how to perform a medical assessment? Their mother collapsed and is bleeding; I don't know when the doctor will get here."

America and England both exchanged a look and furrowed their brows, but England nodded. "I know some, but it might not be enough if it's serious."

"That's fine, follow me," he said, leading them through the door and towards the kitchen. He was greeted by a scowling Antonia and a worried Lovino clinging to his sister, the items he requested lay near their mother. He cleared his throat, "These are some people I work with. Arthur here," he gestured to England, "is going to take a look at your mother to see if he can find what's wrong with her since we don't know how long it'll take the doctor to get here or how serious it is."

Lovino nodded and a little relief fell over his features, but Antonia's scowl deepened, "We don't need these fucking bastards! What if they hurt mama? She was upset earlier crying about papa and her fratellino!"

England and America had been staring at the twins and the young woman who was on the floor before England immediately took action and went to check her pulse. Her forehead was sweaty and she was kind of clammy and cold to touch, but she was breathing, no matter how labored, and she wasn't burning up which were good signs that while she was in pain she wasn't exactly sick, but that didn't really put her in the clear since she could have internal injuries.

The young woman looked familiar to America, and the twins kind of reminded him of two of his fellow nations, but it was the woman who held his attention. She was beautiful, as beautiful as a nation, but he knew she wasn't one even though he had a tiny feeling and voice in the back of his head trying to get him to remember. The woman, reminded him of himself during the 9/11 terrorist attack, in so much pain but trying to stay strong, not showing just how much pain she was really in, he had done it to be strong for his people just as they stayed strong to prove they were united as a nation, but he knew she was doing it for her children. Children he knew she would probably give her life for, but he couldn't stop the damn _knowing_ feeling that he somehow knew her, that she was important…

"Well, there's not much I can do without proper equipment," said England. "From what I can tell she's probably got either an internal injury or she's been ill for a while and hasn't had a chance to get proper treatment."

"She's been sick awhile," Lovino said meekly, trying not to look at the strangers. While he got along with outsiders easier than his sister, there was definitely something off about their uncle Sadiq's co-workers.

England nodded in understanding. "We have to move her, make her more comfortable, being on the floor is doing more damage and the position she is in might be affecting any internal injuries she might have that is causing her to cough up blood."

Sadiq agreed to move her to her room, England being shown by the worried form of Lovino where the medical kit and the herbs were. Antonia watched the American apprehensively. "Why'd you come, bastard? You seem to be pretty useless."

"Ouch," muttered America before he smiled brightly. "I came because I'm a hero and hero's always try their best to save people so that others don't get sad or feel pain!"

"Mama's always in pain, she's happy she has me and fratello, but she misses her brother and papa," Antonia said quietly. "She tries to hide it and I don't think Lovino noticed, but I see it. If you are really a hero, do you think you could try and help my mama? Find her old friends and get people back into her life?"

America made a silent promise to help in anyway, before saying, "Of course," and smiling at the young girl who blushed and looked away from him stuttering.

England and Turkey looked over Lovina, spending time prodding her sides and feeling for broken bones. It wasn't long before they discovered Lovina somehow had two broken ribs, though Turkey knew they had been fine just hours before when she had been talking to him. It made him worry. She had given up being a nation, her ties, yet she had not aged, could it be possible for her to still feel the pain of her nation despite this?

"England, hypothetically, what if this was something similar to what we nations experience?" asked Turkey, keeping the worry out of his voice trying to remain calm.

"I don't see how that could be unless…" England's voice trailed off. "Does she have any unusual markings?"

Thrown off by England's abrupt question Turkey shook his head. "Not that I know of, though I think she mentioned she has some sort of symbol on her back, though she can't recall how she got it or when, just that she's had it since she was young."

England cursed and he pulled up part of her shirt trying to find that mark, only to be confronted with a symbol that had both him and Turkey staring in wonder. "What…what is that?"

"I don't know," England muttered, "but I am going to find out."

England stood and left, grabbing America and taking the bloody yank with him, claiming he needed his help to research possible cures for the woman's illness, making him agree immediately.

Sadiq saw them off and noticed that both Antonia and Lovino had fallen asleep on the couch, he carried the young ones to their room and tucked them in together like they had slept when they were younger.

The next morning, Sadiq stood outside of Lovina's door, he looked in through the crack to see Lovina propped up in her bed thanks to the mountain of pillows behind her looking out the window as she sang a song, low in her voice. It sounded like an American song.

"_I always needed time on my own_

_I never thought I'd,_

_Need you there when I cry_

_And the days feel like years when I'm alone_

_And the bed where you lie_

_Is made up on your side…_

_When you walk away_

_I count the steps that you take_

_Do you see how much I need you right now?_

_When you're gone_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone_

_The face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone_

_All the words I need to hear_

_To always get me through the day _

_And make it okay_

_I miss you_

_I've never felt this way before_

_Everything that I do_

_Reminds me of you_

_And the clothes you left_

_They lie on the floor_

_And they smell just like you_

_I love the things that you do_

_When you walk away_

_I count the steps that you take_

_So you see how much I need you right now?_

_When you're gone_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone_

_The face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone_

_All the words I need to hear_

_To always get me through the day _

_And make it okay_

_I miss you_

_We were made for each other_

_Out here forever_

_I know we were_

_Yeah, yeah_

_And all I ever wanted was for you to know_

_Everything I do I give my heart and soul_

_I can hardly breathe_

_I need to feel you here with me_

_Yeah_

_When you're gone_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone_

_The face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone_

_All the words I need to hear_

_Will always get me through the day _

_And make it okay_

_I miss you"_

Sadiq could hear the echoes of longing in her voice, the depth of which she desperately needed that stupid bastard Spain. It was practically killing her inside. Her love for Spain was something Sadiq didn't think he could understand, as a general rule nations didn't fall in love because it would only lead to heartbreak, unions were only made out of necessity and when it was complete the nations didn't really care, well aside from rarities like Austria and Hungary, but even still Austria had been married to that idiot of an ex-nation Prussia for a while when they were younger, just as Spain had once been forced to marry England.

England had worried him yesterday with the abrupt departure and talk of research, but Sadiq hoped that meant they might be able to help Lovina, because he needed her to live, he wanted her to live, and he knew that she had to live so that they could damn well learn the truth about whatever was happening. Yes, he knew that the reality was they needed to find out exactly what was the truth so he could help her and protect her. He didn't need a thousand reasons, Lovina's children were the only two reasons he needed to find the truth.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: To make up for being gone for so long I am going to try and get updates out whenever I can.

Summary: Lovina gave up everything for her chance at happiness, but time and fate are cruel, willing to pull her into a storm of suffering. In the end there can only be one price to be paid, but choices can change it. The question is: who is willing to tempt it?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia Axis Power, but I own my overly random plotline and any OCs I throw in. I also don't own Avril Lavigne's song When You're Gone.

A Thousand Reasons

Chapter 3: To Hide Her Pain

"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how."  
Friedrich Nietzsche

Lovina was no stranger to pain, no stranger to the internal injuries caused by her land, but the feeling of her brother's land being torn apart was new, something she had never felt before. She had lived by pain, lived off it when she and Vene had been young and were being bullied by the older, stronger nations before the two were separated by Spain and Austria. She knew she was stronger than it, because that was her promise to her Nonno before he too abandoned her to be alone and fend for herself taking with him Vene.

Lovina's face twisted in pain at the thought, but she masked it quickly, she knew the others would likely be in to check on her soon. Vene, her sweet Vene, her brother that loved her so unconditionally despite her personality and general way of acting. He was perhaps the one person that could read her as openly as Spain had, something that Antonia had inherited even if they all chose to read the atmosphere at the wrong time. Unable to keep everything in she stared out the window and began to sing.

"_I always needed time on my own_

_I never thought I'd,_

_Need you there when I cry_

_And the days feel like years when I'm alone_

_And the bed where you lie_

_Is made up on your side…_

_When you walk away_

_I count the steps that you take_

_Do you see how much I need you right now?_

_When you're gone_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone_

_The face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone_

_All the words I need to hear_

_To always get me through the day _

_And make it okay_

_I miss you_

_I've never felt this way before_

_Everything that I do_

_Reminds me of you_

_And the clothes you left_

_They lie on the floor_

_And they smell just like you_

_I love the things that you do_

_When you walk away_

_I count the steps that you take_

_So you see how much I need you right now?_

_When you're gone_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone_

_The face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone_

_All the words I need to hear_

_To always get me through the day _

_And make it okay_

_I miss you_

_We were made for each other_

_Out here forever_

_I know we were_

_Yeah, yeah_

_And all I ever wanted was for you to know_

_Everything I do I give my heart and soul_

_I can hardly breathe_

_I need to feel you here with me_

_Yeah_

_When you're gone_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone_

_The face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone_

_All the words I need to hear_

_Will always get me through the day _

_And make it okay_

_I miss you"_

For all America came off as such a clueless bastard, Lovina could tell there was so much more to him. Just like there was more to her, more to her brother, more to Sadiq, and…more to Spain. He seemed to be on her mind constantly lately. Twenty years…it had been twenty years since she had last seen him and she didn't know how she felt about that. It was a long time to go without seeing the one she loved, but she was surviving with the help of Sadiq and even her children played a part in her will to live.

A knock on the door brought her out of her thoughts. "Yes?"

"Morning, Roma," Sadiq walked in smiling at her, reassuring her everything was okay. "The doctor is here."

Behind Turkey walked doctor Moretti, who greeted her cordially, he was an elderly man, one she had known a long time and understood her need for secrecy, "Good morning Rosalina."

"Morning Dr. Moretti," she responded, not moving much in case her injuries were worse than assumed.

"So what seems to be the problem?" he asked. Lovina swore the man had the patience of a saint when dealing with her and her children and all the outbursts of the family.

"Internal injuries," Sadiq answered. "An acquaintance of ours, Arthur," he said at her questioning look, causing her to pale a bit but nodded in understanding of the situation, "came over and he has a bit of medical experience. She's been a bit sick, possibly two or so broken ribs, and bruising."

"Quite the list this time Rosa, what happened to you?" the doctor asked.

"Just an accident," she answered.

Dr. Moretti shook his head, his lips quirked up into a half smile, but his eyes shone with exasperation. "It's always an accident."

He quickly looked over her injuries, Lovina hissed in pain as he pressed a bit too hard on some of the other injuries. "Your acquaintance knows his stuff, he's wrapped these well enough that so long as you don't try to do anything too strenuous you're ribs should remain in place to heal. Put the same cream from last time on the bruises."

Lovina nodded. "Thank you so much for taking time to see me today, Dr. Moretti."

"Anything for someone I've known so long and looks after the families of Italy," he responded as he gave Sadiq a nod and left.

"How do you feel?" Sadiq asked, not bothering to walk the doctor to the door.

"Fine, just a little tired," she said, her eyelids drooping.

Sadiq nodded. "Rest. I'll go stay with the kids for a bit."

"'kay…England…he doesn't know?" she asked before Sadiq could walk out the door.

"He and America remain clueless, but I think America might be suspicious," Sadiq said.

He left just as Lovina drifted off into a restful sleep. She was glad someone else might recognize her, even if it was only subconsciously. Maybe then she wouldn't be so lonely and could start to heal. Maybe then she wouldn't need so many reasons to hide her pain.

A/N: Keep in mind I don't know what pairings this story is going to have so feel free to let me know what you would like to see. Also, I know a lot of you are SpaMano fans as am I, but I'm not sure if that'll be the pairing as Romerica is fairly tempting.

Pairings I'm sure of are GerIta, PruCan, AusHun, and SuFin.

So please review and let me know what pairing you guys want. I'll leave it open for five chapters and then I'll need to be sure because this is one of the few stories I actually do know what will happen depending on the main pairing. And since Lovino and Antonia are both non-human as well they can also be paired with countries if you like. During this fic I plan on them both aging slightly faster for…reasons. I don't want to spoil everything.

Happy Holidays~!


	4. Chapter 4

Summary: Lovina gave up everything for her chance at happiness, but time and fate are cruel, willing to pull her into a storm of suffering. In the end there can only be one price to be paid, but choices can change it. The question is: who is willing to tempt it?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia Axis Power, but I own my overly random plotline and any OCs I throw in.

A Thousand Reasons

Chapter 4: Interlude: Researching Symbols

England and America were in a library. England was searching for something that kept coming up empty, he had definitely seen the symbol on the woman's back somewhere before, but he could not recall where and it left a nagging in the back of his mind that was niggling with information teeming over. America was bored.

Now, despite popular belief, America does not hate libraries, contrary to the fact he rather enjoys them, but he has nothing to do but watch England as he fumbles through books searching for some sort of symbol to find its meaning, and he has nothing to do or occupy his time. He vaguely recalls the woman they were helping, but it's the daughter's plea that really makes America's head swim. How could such a lovely young woman possibly be suffering? How is it that she is alone with two children and _Turkey _of all people to help her?

There was another thing. They looked so familiar, but he just couldn't place them. If he didn't know the woman was human, due to the fact that the children called her mama, he'd have thought she was a country, the type he could get along with. She seemed like the type of person he could talk to unreservedly and would understand.

"America, could you please stop staring into space and help me find books that involve symbolism?" England snapped, irritated from his lack of luck.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, sure Iggy," America replied distractedly.

"Don't call me that! My name is Arthur, you git," England said as he poured over the newest book he found, flipping through it quickly and slamming it shut.

"Sure thing Artie," America replied.

England sighed. "What has you so distracted America? Normally you'd jump at the chance to try to be the hero and help, now you're not even trying."

"I am trying!" America exclaimed. "It's just…the daughter asked me to do something else for her mom and I can't shake the feeling that she seems familiar somehow."

"Familiar?" England queried, as he thought about it he too could sense familiarity but he could not detect where. "Familiar how?"

"I don't know," America said shaking his head. "Are you sure it's a symbol?"

"What do you mean America?" England asked, confused by the abrupt change of subject.

"Well, it's just…you had those rune thingies when you were little and the Nordics had theirs…not to mention Japan and China and all the other cultures that no longer exist…"America trailed off.

Once England understood what America was getting at he jumped up and ran to another shelf detailing several other cultures and their languages, most of which no longer existed. "We should start going through these, we're bound to find something."

America looked at the stack of books doubtfully, but agreed to help anyway. It would be a long while before his thoughts returned to the young woman and the daughter's request.


	5. Chapter 5

Summary: Lovina gave up everything for her chance at happiness, but time and fate are cruel, willing to pull her into a storm of suffering. In the end there can only be one price to be paid, but choices can change it. The question is: who is willing to tempt it?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia Axis Power, but I own my overly random plotline and any OCs I throw in.

A Thousand Reasons

Chapter 5: Interlude: Antonio

Spain watched the occurrence of the World Meeting proceed silently, in the past twenty years he couldn't explain why but he felt like something, _someone_ was missing. He remembered the day it started just as easily though he didn't know anything of the night before.

_Flashback_

_Antonio opened his eyes only for them to widen in shock. Beside him lay a beautiful young woman, soft mahogany hair, and a curl that seemed eerily like Italy's. If it weren't for the fact that he knew there was only __**one**__ Italy he thought she might have actually been related to him, though he knew that under certain circumstances humans could be born looking like countries._

"_Antonio," the woman whispered in her sleep, "I love you…"_

_He panicked; she knew his human name and said she loved him. Clearly he'd had a bit too much to drink since he couldn't remember much of the night before. Realizing the two of them were both nude his eyes widened further and he scrambled out of the bed rushing to put his clothes on._

_Grabbing his coat he walked to the door numbly, turning back to look at the young woman he was leaving behind and he hoped she too had no memory of the events of the night before. Before he opened the door he heard her whisper, "Don't leave…I'm so sorry, Antonio…"_

_His heart raced at the words, but he could not understand them. She made him feel something of that he was certain, but he loved Italy. Italy…who was in love with Germany. He cast a look of longing toward the young woman, maybe she could have been the one, but she wasn't a country, it would make their relationship dangerous and he couldn't pursue it anyway._

_He opened the door silently and turned the lock on the door knob to see himself out as he left without waking the woman he had spent the evening with and headed back to his hotel. He never was the tears that fell in the woman's sleep._

_Later that day he found a picture drawn of the young woman in his coat pocket, one she had drawn as a reflection of herself that seemed to be staring straight at him. The thing that struck him the most, were the eyes, her sad, sad eyes that made him wish someone to be beside her because she looked so lonely._

_End Flashback_

The sudden shaking of the building and the thunderous roar brought him out of his thoughts on the young woman whose picture still remained with him in the coat pocket. As it was Italy's turn to host everyone had turned to look at him just as Germany was helping him up and asked if he was okay.

Antonio's eyes narrowed at Italy's answer that he was fine, it was unusual for a country not to suffer from a natural disaster especially when they were in their own country. Before he could think about it further a shrill ring pierced the air of the silence. The Mediterranean nation was far paler than he should have been as he picked up the phone and answered whoever it was.

It wasn't until he realized that Turkey was speaking Spanish to what appeared to be a little girl worried for her mother that he glared at the Turkish man. It was bad enough they had fought wars, but for the nation to be speaking his language was too much.

He followed the nation, further behind America and England who had also apparently decided to follow the man. It was rather unusual circumstance to begin with since their people generally don't call in the middle of meetings. He paused as he stared at the place the man walked into. There in front of the Turkish man, clinging to him as though he were the only one who could help, were two children who looked to be eleven. As cute as they were they seemed familiar to him. He narrowed his eyes in thought before turning away and heading back to the hotel. As long as it wasn't his citizens, it didn't really matter.

A/N: Two updates in one day! I love my reviewers so much. Thank you guys for so easily accepting me back after I was away for several months! So far SpaMano is winning as the main pairing just to let you guys know, but I still need more votes.


	6. Chapter 6

Summary: Lovina gave up everything for her chance at happiness, but time and fate are cruel, willing to pull her into a storm of suffering. In the end there can only be one price to be paid, but choices can change it. The question is: who is willing to tempt it?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia Axis Power, but I own my overly random plotline and any OCs I throw in.

A Thousand Reasons

Chapter 6: Interlude: Grandpa Rome

Maybe he shouldn't have been surprised, but in his old age he could sense something was off. Rome had been looking after Italy since his grandson had been a small colony picked on by other nations that were stronger and more intimidating. For little more than twenty years something had been wrong, but he had never been able to confirm until the most recent World Meeting in which his grandson's land had been ravaged by an earthquake and Italy had not received any damage.

It wasn't often he would forget something. In his old age there was quite a bit that he forgot, even of his own history despite being its personification. When he dreamt he would occasionally see a second figure that was not Italy but was quite like him. The figure brought out a lot of feelings in him, feelings he couldn't quite explain like loneliness, pride, irritation, and distance. It was as though he knew them personally, but shadows clung to the form even in his dreams and he could never get a clear glimpse, all he knew is that whatever was wrong led right back to the person he couldn't remember.

It disturbed him, perhaps more than it should, but there were few rules placed upon nations, few limits and restrictions that made them not just the nation but the person as well. He couldn't shake the feeling that whatever occurred had likely been his fault and Rome hated the feeling of guilt that welled up every time he thought of the figure cloaked by shadows, the loneliness that person radiated and the sadness of rejection.

Rome knew he wasn't the best of grandfathers, what with how he still favored Italy over all the other nations born from his own dissolution, but Italy held his heart, was the beginning of his nation, was the one who held his history and kept it alive in art and culture. Italy was weak, but only in a way that made him proud as there was no chance of his grandson following his footsteps in anyway other than charming lovely young women.

Rome shook the thoughts away. He was distracting himself from the problem. No nation should be able to escape the ties of their own nation unless there was another tied equally to the nation that took the pain themselves. Something that was nigh impossible as there had been no news of another nation being found to be colonized until it grew into its own. There were few other things he could think of and no matter how glad he was that his grandson remained unharmed he could not shake the feeling of dread. He was terrified of what it symbolized and he was more determined than ever to find the truth behind it all.

He held no fondness for Turkey, he himself had been a stubborn colony in his youth as well, but Turkey seemed to be the only one with any indication of what could be occurring. Rome decided to follow his instincts and watch over Turkey's actions, for surely that would lead him to the source of the abnormality and maybe he would have the chance to right it. For once, Rome knew he would actually need to put forth all his efforts into changing something that could affect the entire future of the nations themselves and their beliefs and lifestyles. He would have to keep a closer watch on this generation of nations than the older nations had on him.

A/N: I figured we need a few more characters introduced. Now we have Spain's perspective with his flashback to the first story and why he left, we have America and England attempting to follow any lead on old symbols that could possibly match the one on Lovina's back, and now we have Rome. My only question is how soon would you like me to introduce Mattie and Gil? Also, since everyone appears to be Spamano fans I am going to get to that…and probably use UkUs as the secondary pairing at some point, but it will take a while with possible hints of Romerica (like random flirting to piss people off, being American I do this often with the help of my friends. The best time was when some of my besties and I acted lesbian around homophobes). I think that's everything so review and let me know what you think! Happy New Year!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: If you hadn't guessed the other chapter was done by New Year's Eve/New Year's Day. Despite that I chose not to update cause I was certain you guys were getting tired of short chapter Interludes, if you don't like them, drop a review and I can stop and just move on with the story, however I must admit that if I do stop you guys will end up missing some information that I think is relatively important if you don't know much about magic cultures and ancient symbols and what not.

Summary: Lovina gave up everything for her chance at happiness, but time and fate are cruel, willing to pull her into a storm of suffering. In the end there can only be one price to be paid, but choices can change it. The question is: who is willing to tempt it?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia Axis Power, but I own my overly random plotline and any OCs I throw in.

A Thousand Reasons

Chapter 7: Not to Say a Word

As South Italy Lovina was willing to admit she had been insecure, but even now those doubts stayed with her. She constantly doubted her ability to care for her children, her ability to love, and most of all her ability to hold herself together. She hated the uncertainty, knowing that Turkey would walk out whenever and leave her alone, because though it hadn't happened _yet_ who's to say it wouldn't happen in the future? Time was irrelevant to a country that was one of the things she knew for a fact. Their lives were long-lived and Turkey could grow tired of helping her at any time.

It wasn't enough that she knew herself better than anyone else, that every time she tried to do something it ended in failure or disaster. Just look at the mess she got not only herself but her children into. Not that she wasn't glad to have her children, because truly she loved them and adored them so much more than any of the others had ever said she was capable of, but she would never have thought that her choices would leave them alone if anything happened to her. It hurt to know that she was incapable of making the best choices for them, though she had tried.

As Antonia and Lovino made their way into her room, a scowl and a smile respectively, she pushed the thoughts away and smiled at them. Patting the bed and drawing the both of them into a hug in a rare show of affection they took up the free space of the bed, lying next to her, Antonia on her right and Lovino on her left.

"I'm sorry I worried the two of you, but I'm alright now, si?" she said reassuringly. She didn't want them to know how close she had been to dying. She was the only parent they had and Sadiq couldn't help out forever, but she hated to think of the two being left alone in the world. Looking over them she noticed that they had aged a bit, looked a bit older as though they were aging at the pace of a country learning things and growing into one-self rather than human children. She had prayed that they would be human, not out of selfishness or spite, but in hopes that they might never experience the pains she had. She cut her thoughts off, not really was not the time to think such thoughts. Her children needed her.

"It won't happen again will it mama?" Lovino asked worried. Antonia didn't bother to hide her dislike of the idea.

"I don't know, bambino," Lovina answered honestly. "It's just something that happens sometimes."

Antonia scowled. "It's not normal that it even happens sometimes. We're young mama, but we're not damn idiots."

Lovina sighed knowing it would be useless to scold her for her language as it was just the same as it had been for her when she was young. "It's not normal, not for humans. You're so young, I don't want to burden you two with the truth, not until you're older."

"No one gets what they want mama. You taught us that," Antonia pointed out as Lovino looked between the two worried.

"I suppose you're right," Lovina hummed in agreement. "How about I tell you a story?"

"Is it a happy story?" Lovino asked at the same time Antonia said, "We're too old for stories."

Lovina laughed at her children's responses. "Not even about you're abuelo, papa, and tio?"

Antonia looked skeptical but settled into her mother's arms and reluctantly relaxed, preparing to listen to the story. Lovina smiled, "Sadiq, you should come in and help me out, you know quite a bit more to this than I do."

Sadiq laughed sheepishly at being caught eavesdropping. "I suppose I really shouldn't be surprised you knew I was there."

Lovina threw him a look that said it all. He cleared his throat, "Right, well, I'll help where I can."

Turning her attention back to her children as Sadiq settled into a chair near her bedside, she began, "Once upon a time…"

"Wait that's how fairytales start," Lovino said excitedly.

Lovina laughed at how like Spain and Veneziano Lovino could be. "Yes it is," she agreed, "because the truth is very much like a fairytale."

Antonia grumbled a bit but Lovina continued on, starting over, "Once upon a time, a long time ago lived a great man, his name was Roman Empire…"

"Roman Empire? As in the country?" Antonia said skeptically.

"Yes, just like the country, for a country he was," Lovina answered smiling. "When a country is formed there is a personification, every country has one and if parts of the country are different there are different personifications."

"I see how this is a fairytale, but where do abuelo, tio, and papa come in?" asked Antonia.

"Well, you see, your grandfather, or rather your great grandfather, was my Nonno Rome," Lovina said with a smile.

Sadiq chuckled. "Rome raised me when I was a young country, raised many young countries including your father. He was a good man, and he held the world's wealth, power, and fortune within his hands."

"What happened to him?" Lovino asked excitedly.

"One day…he just vanished," Lovina admitted, it still hurt to acknowledge.

"What?!" exclaimed Antonia. "How could he just vanish?"

Lovina's eyes filled up with tears as Sadiq placed a comforting hand on her back and began to explain, "The age of empires was falling, many had already gone before him, Carthage and many others died, he was falling apart from within. Rome took over many countries and for over 400 years lived in relative peace. Your mother told you, peace does not last forever. Rome decided to take your uncle with him when he left, leaving your mother to fend for herself."

Lovina placed her hand on Sadiq's arm, her eyes begging him to let her tell her story. "I was very young at the time. My own country barely developing and so different from my brother's, you may or may not have guessed but I used to represent South Italy."

"Why South Italy?" asked Lovino obliviously, he didn't mean anything by it Lovina knew, but she couldn't help but feel that even her son thought she had no place as Italy.

"Well, you see," she hesitantly said. "North and South Italy have always been so different, the people, the culture, the government and so on. Just like Germany was actually an assembly of Germanic states called Holy Roman Empire many, many years ago, or how Germany represented West Germany and Prussia represented East Germany until his dissolution in WWII. None of us quite know how Prussia survived but since he hasn't died we figure God left him because he still has something to do here."

"Okay, but that doesn't explain why you were left alone," Antonia said. So far Lovina and Sadiq were very surprised with how accepting of the idea of how their family was actually countries the two were being.

"Well," Lovina started, flinching a bit as she thought of how mislead the family truly was and how unforgiving the world could be. Sadiq sighed and said it straight out, knowing there really was no way to just blow it off, "Everyone thought your mother was male and North Italy was pathetically weak. Of the two Rome was certain your mother could survive on her own better and gifted her brother with the talents of the renaissance."

"So he played favoritism?" Antonia said bluntly, while Lovino looked on confused. Sadiq nodded in agreement while Lovina's silence spoke for her.

"He did what he thought was best," Lovina said. She didn't want her children hating Nonno Rome, no matter that she herself resented the man, but she had forgiven him.

"So wait," Antonia said, putting pieces of their life together. "If you're a country and everyone else who we haven't met is a country, what are we and why haven't we ever met anyone other than Tio Sadiq?"

Lovina let out a sigh. She knew it would come eventually; it was one of the big topics of conversation between herself and Sadiq as well. "Well, sweetie, you technically met America and Britain the other day."

Antonia glared at her mother weakly. "Fine, I'll tell you, but you must promise to let me explain."

"Of course I would," Antonia scoffed as though the very idea of not letting her mother was inconceivable.

"Well when I was younger, I was passed around a lot," Lovina said, her head looking up at the ceiling as her hands made idle movements. "No one wanted someone who was useless; I wasn't a good colony to have, I couldn't cook or clean or do any of the things Feli could, so they all saw me as a disappointment, and this place became my home. I was just so tired of being told I was useless, so I left and came here back to my lands to try and find something I was good at. As it turned out I loved architecture, sculpting and molding forms into beautiful works. An old man found me one day and questioned why I was on my own, so I told him no one wanted me and he took me in. He taught me politics and history, the works of literary art and showed me the things I was good at, though I gardened for food myself. This was that place where I lived with him, and while it is newer because I remodeled it myself, it looks exactly how it did then."

"So what happened to the old man?" Lovino asked at the same time Antonia questioned, "What does this have to do with my questions?"

Lovina smiled at her children's inquiries. "I'm getting there you two. Now then, the old man had lived a long life for those days, one day he passed on quietly in his sleep. He had taught me so much I thought perhaps now someone would want me, but I never got the chance to show them what I was skilled at because they only cared for the things I couldn't do and I continued to be passed around. After the series of wars fought over the Italian lands it was decided that my brother was to stay with Austria and I was being given to Spain."

"What?!" the three listeners exclaimed.

Keeping her eyes on the ceiling she chuckled sheepishly. "Yeah, well, I was given as a sort of peace offering and Spain was glad…until he found out I wasn't very useful except for anything agricultural, considering not to many people care for my architecture or political knowledge even if they had given me a chance."

The self-depreciating smile was painful to look at, but she kept going, "So I grew up with Spain, though he tried to trade me for my brother a few times. He kept me though. He didn't pass me around and saved me from Turkey's ass," she said gesturing at Sadiq who looked appropriately abashed, "when he was the Ottoman Empire and I wasn't able to fight him off on my own."

"So…Tio Sadiq was your enemy?"

Lovina shrugged. "The thing about being countries is that everyone is everyone else's enemy at least once. Look at America and Britain. The two of them must have gone through hell during the American Revolution because Britain had been America's older brother for such a short period of time he probably felt like he didn't have enough time to teach America, but America had to follow the wishes of his people, even if it meant hurting his older brother."

"That really sucks," stated Antonia, her face drawn up in dislike for the thought.

"Yes it does, but we must do so for our people and their beliefs, because a personification is merely the will of the people and representative of their desires and lands," Lovina muttered softly. They were words she had heard a thousand times before that she had never truly understood other than that they were the source of her pain.

"I don't think I can continue this today," Lovina whispered, she could feel tears gather at the corners of her eyes as she closed them.

"Of course, mama," they said reluctantly.

"I'll finish tomorrow, my little ones," she said, her voice unwavering. "But for now I must rest."

Leaving her arms Lovino and Antonia walked out of the room, Sadiq throwing only a hesitant look back at her before shutting the door. In the complete stillness of her room and the feeling of being alone she finally let her tears fall. Lightly sobbing but refraining from movement to prevent further injury.

"It's not fair…it's not fair," she whimpered out, letting her sorrow go freely, but the real reason she had stopped herself from continuing, the one reason that stood out among many others, was that it would not be real to her as long as she continued not to say a word.

A/N: There ya go. A little longer, a bit more detail, the children are getting more curious and suspicious of their mother's behavior and secrets, Sadiq will play a bigger part soon enough, and Lovina has yet to completely come to terms with her own past meaning of course there are more secrets implied than even the children know. =D With that said and done with I think Turkey will be forced to confess his love for Greece in an awkward moment at another world meeting, but I need opinions on Turkey's pairing as well since I may or may not change it to Egypt…


	8. Chapter 8

Summary: Lovina gave up everything for her chance at happiness, but time and fate are cruel, willing to pull her into a storm of suffering. In the end there can only be one price to be paid, but choices can change it. The question is: who is willing to tempt it?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia Axis Power, but I own my overly random plotline and any OCs I throw in.

A Thousand Reasons

Chapter 8: Interlude: Researching Symbols Part 2

"Blast it all," England said aggravated as he slammed yet another book shut. "You would think that after spending so much time alive as a _country_ I'd have better luck remembering and finding symbols!"

America watched England amused, before England turned on him. "And you! Standing there and acting useless! You could help me look!"

"…England, I don't even know what it looks like…"America stated bluntly.

England sighed. "I suppose that is true."

"You do realize that there is a possibility that of you draw out the symbol before you completely forget it we have a better chance at finding it…right?" America asked while hiding a smirk as England blushed furiously in embarrassment.

"I knew that, you git!" he exclaimed before quickly grabbing a sheet of paper and a pen and marking it down.

As the symbol took form on the piece of paper he casually pointed out, "England if the symbol is so old and you don't know where you recognize it from…wouldn't it be easier to ask someone else who might know? Like one of your friends?"

"What are you implying America?" England retorted, annoyance making its way into his voice.

America shrugged."When you hang out with Norway and Romania you all talk about books and symbols, I figured we might actually figure it out quicker if we asked for help."

"There," England commented as he added the final touches to the symbol he had seen.

America's eyes narrowed. "It looks familiar…"

"You've seen it before?" England asked his eyebrows furrowing in confusion as America himself held no magical ability.

"I'm not sure," America said frowning. "In any case we'll see them at the next meeting right? We should ask Greece as well."

"Yes, I suppose that would be the best time to ask," England muttered. "Before that, let's head back to see that woman. I want to ask her a few questions and see if she knows anything about it herself.

America quickly agreed but his facial expression remained in a frown. He could recognize the crosses as his people were rather religious and he valued his interpretation of symbolism, but what was the meaning behind the Passion Cross encompassing the main symbol that held a Cross Pattee of German design within the center of the circle's diagram. It didn't make sense and their symbols held such different meanings. America couldn't shake the feeling that there was far more at stake then what was meeting the eye and he was glad he would have a chance to speak to the woman and her daughter, this time he had to ask a few questions, perhaps without England around.

A/N: Okay, so a bit more development for the symbols, and since I suck at descriptions I decided to just put the sites here on the bottom. Just remove the spaces.

Crosses:

www . gci jesus /risen3a

Guardian Circle + Info:

magic-of-life . ru /obereg_en . html


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: To be fair I must warn quite a few of you there will be minor Romerica in this chapter, because even though the official pairing is SpaMano and the minor pairing of UKUS…or maybe USUK, I haven't decided, I think it'll be fun to mess with Arthur and want him to be jealous without knowing anything.

Summary: Lovina gave up everything for her chance at happiness, but time and fate are cruel, willing to pull her into a storm of suffering. In the end there can only be one price to be paid, but choices can change it. The question is: who is willing to tempt it?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia Axis Power, but I own my overly random plotline and any OCs I throw in. Nor do I own the song That Wasn't Me by Brandi Carlile. (A beautiful song I listened to over and over while typing this.)

A Thousand Reasons

Chapter 9: Mask of Indifference

Lovina cried and cried, her sobs made the home feel more melancholy as they echoed through the house, while Lovino and Antonia settled in the living room with Sadiq. It was so different from what they considered normal. Lovina's warmth, her strength and her love that was usually given so freely in little actions, the house was not a home without it and yet they could not find it in them to ask that of her. They loved her enough to know that she was suffering right now and whatever she needed they would not be the ones to provide it.

It hurt to know she was crying. In all the years Lovina had spent on her own she had mourned her loss. She had grieved for the fact that she would never again see her brother or lover, she would never go to see her brother marry that stupid potato bastard, and she would never speak to her friends, her kind friends who always tried to help her like Canada had and she grudgingly admitted Prussia as well. She felt hollow from the tears that flowed so freely. Each tear felt like release but in turn they left her empty, wanting.

Lovina wonders if it really changed anything at all, her leaving. How would they feel if she went back? Was there anyone other than Sadiq who cared? It was tempting, so tempting, but for the sake of Lovino and Antonia she knew she could never do such a thing, she could never put them in danger like that, because they too were anomalies, but she loved them. They were her fondest memories and the reminder of one night of love where her love had been returned. It was almost like a fairytale, that maybe if Spain would kiss her it would break the spell. She shook her head and giggled at the childish notion. It reminded her of America and his notion of being The Hero or a knight in shining armor.

She didn't hear the knocks on the door that Sadiq answered nor the hushed whispers that drew near. In her mind she remembered her worst memories, her saddest and her happiest all forming together and a song took form as she hummed the tune that soon turned to singing:

"Hang on, just hang on for a minute,

I've got something to say,

I'm not asking you to move on or forget

But these are better days

To be wrong all along and admit it

Is not amazing grace

But to be loved like a song you remember

Even when you've changed

Tell me

Did I go out of tangent?

Did I lie through my teeth?

Did I cause you to stumble on your feet?

Did I bring shame on my family?

Did it show when I was weak?

Whatever you've seen…

That wasn't me…

That wasn't me…

Oh, that wasn't me…

When you're lost

You will toss every lucky coin you'll ever trust

And you'll hide from your God like He ever turns his back on us

And you'll fall all the way to the bottom

And land on your own live

And you'll learn who you are

Even if it doesn't take your life

Tell me

Did I go out of tangent?

Did I lie through my teeth?

Did I cause you to stumble on your feet?

Did I bring shame on my family?

Did it show when I was weak?

Whatever you've seen…

That wasn't me…

That wasn't me…

Oh, that wasn't me…

But I want you to know

That you'll never be alone

I want to believe

Do I make myself a blessing to everyone I meet?

When you fall I will catch you on your feet…

Do I spend time with my family?

Did it show when I was weak?

And that's what you see…

That will be me…

That will be me…

That will be me….

That will be me…"

**America's POV**

When Turkey let England and me in I found it odd that the house was so silent, it was too quiet and not in relief in the very least as the children looked to be in tears themselves. It was depressing and totally unawesome as Prussia would say. It started softly, a gentle hum of music shifting through the house that held us all spell-bound. I barely recognized the song, but the singer seemed so lonely. I followed Turkey up the stairs with England, the voice that had begun to sing growing stronger, and I ached to hear the sad melody that drifted. I wanted to see the singer, because maybe she would be willing to listen.

Turkey led us to the master bedroom. It was not much bigger than the others; it was a comfortable size and gave off a feeling of familiarity. When Turkey opened the door I found myself staring into familiar pools of amber as a gateway of memories flooded my mind and I pushed forward.

**Regular POV **(I don't see me using other POVs often. Not because I don't like them, but because of…things. If you guys read the A/N at the bottom you'll understand.)

"Lo…vi…na?" America queried as he held his head in one hand, shifting slightly confused, while England stared at his ex-colony startled. "Lovina, is it really you?"

"Alfred you know her?" England asked, but America wasn't paying attention too stunned by the sudden assault of forgotten memories to pay attention, wanting to hold the woman he now remembered as a fellow country and help her out of her fragile state.

Lovina didn't know what to say, really what could she say? It was sudden and abrupt, but someone else remembered her, she felt tears prick the corner of her eyes as she nodded at Alfred who immediately walked to her side and whispered, "Everything will be okay. I promise I'll help you, I'll be your hero."

Lovina couldn't help the strained laugh that escaped her at America's words, but for once she felt a strange joy bubble up within her as she smiled at him. "Sadiq could you two leave? I'd like to speak with Alfred alone."

Turkey nodded, though a bit unsure as he led England away and closed the door behind them. England didn't know what he was feeling, the strange combination of confusion, hurt and anger, simmering beneath the surface. He'd rather be with America, wanted to know how America knew that woman, and beat the bloody git to get answers…but he didn't have that right.

Lovina stared at Alfred with a strained smile. "It's been a long time…America."

"It has," he readily agreed. "What happened?"

"I gave it all up," Lovina said simply, as though it explained everything.

"That's not what I meant you know," America said softly. "You're South Italy, part of Italy that was always meant to exist, of course you have your memories, but why do I have mine and Turkey his?"

"I don't know," Lovina admitted. "Sadiq and I pondered it, but we could never figure out what was going on. Why he had his memories and everyone else had none, no matter how often we questioned it we couldn't find an answer. All of a sudden you just remember and I'm not sure why or how, but I'm glad it's you."

"I'm glad I remember too," Alfred admitted quietly. "It's different without you. Spain looks lost and your brother…he's happy with Germany but sometimes I catch him looking wistful and when I ask why he says he can't remember."

"I'd rather none of you did," she said softly. "I'd rather I was the only one to suffer, for I would do so in silence. I would raise my children alone and they would never have found out that they were part of something bigger that we haven't even discovered yet. I would protect them and love them, teach them everything they need to know and we would quietly fade with time."

"You've done a good job raising them," America noted. "Just you and Turkey, you should be proud, but you don't have to suffer alone anymore. I'm going to be your hero; I'm going to help you."

She hated feeling insecure, hated knowing that her past was slowly creeping up on her and soon enough her children would be dragged into battles they were still too young to fully understand. Her children were not countries, they did not hold the same traditions or knowledge that countries instinctively had, and they were born of her. Blood of her blood and flesh of her flesh they were hers, Lovina knew that with utmost certainty, and no one had the right to judge her for what she had done to protect her family. Little by little her secrets would be unraveled and perhaps then she might accept it, but for the sake of her children she would not break down nor fall apart. For once she was glad for the American and his ways of knowing. He provided her with silent comfort as she cried on his shoulder. Later she would stand tall and hold together, hiding everything behind the painful mask of indifference.

A/N: Ya'll need to vote for Turkey! It's a toss-up between Turkey and Greece or Turkey and Egypt, so unless you want the fate to be decided by a coin I need to know. Also, I'm in college. I have classes and a lot of work to do so updates will be slow until I hit another break period, which differs depending on the classes I'm taking. I'm also being kicked out of my house, because my step-father is an asshole who decided that since I'm not home that often because I have to stay with friends or relatives during my class time that it was okay to sell my things and give my room to one of my siblings which I have to say was pretty much a huge fuck you to my face since all I do is help the family, so I must now get a job, which I'm not supposed to do because of medical issues, and move out within the month. Sorry for the rant, I'm just going through a shitty time right now.


	10. Chapter 10

Review Corner!

**kawaiiRi:** The M rating will come. I have a habit of using a ton of expletives, detailed violence, and mushy romance scenes according to my friends who have seen my hand written work. It is necessary, just not yet.

**nadeshikofan: **I might work it into the story if it suits the plot line, because I really like the idea. I'm just not sure it applies to this story.

Summary: Lovina gave up everything for her chance at happiness, but time and fate are cruel, willing to pull her into a storm of suffering. In the end there can only be one price to be paid, but choices can change it. The question is: who is willing to tempt it?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia Axis Power, but I own my overly random plotline and any OCs I throw in.

A Thousand Reasons

Chapter 10: Never Before

Antonia was familiar with a great many of her mother's habits. She knew her mother was strong and would protect her and Lovino. She knew that her mother would often hum old lullabies under her breath without realizing it, a few of which Antonia knew her mother had probably picked up from the father she'd never met, the only man her mother had ever truly loved.

The appearance of Arthur and Alfred, whom her mother had only recently revealed to her and Lovino as England and America, had brought about several questions she wanted answered. She wanted to know why they were here and helping their small misfit family out. She wanted a reason to blame them, to accuse them of not caring for their own, but she hadn't heard the whole story. It would be unfair and childish, something her mother had taught her to only be when the time allowed and this was not such a time.

When tio Sadiq reentered the room with Arthur, she stood up to greet him.

"Hello Arthur," she said cordially, trying her best to remember the mannerisms her mother had taught her in regards to English.

England looked at her and smiled at her attempt, but his eyes replayed the scene he had just witnessed between the girl's mother and his former colony and brother, the man he had grown to love, talking as though they'd known each other years, yet he knew it to be an impossibility because no more than a few days ago did they see her and America had no recollection of her, not even the vaguest hint of recognition had sparked in his eyes, but something had changed.

"It's a pleasure to meet you miss," England said, taking her hand in his and giving a kiss to the back of it as any proper gentleman would. "I have a few questions about your mother's health that may help me in figuring out what is wrong with her."

Antonia held back a snort of disbelief but her face must have shown it quite clearly as the man gave a gentle smile. "What your mother is dealing with, I may be able to find a cure if I understood it better."

"Oh, of course, how silly of me," Antonia responded distractedly. "Tio Sadiq, Lovino is asleep there on the couch, could you please make sure he does not wake up? I will take Arthur to the kitchen and make some tea so I can tell him a bit about mama."

Turkey nodded in understanding, Antonia could be frightening when she wanted to be and it was obvious that she wished to discuss something private anyway. Frowning a bit England followed her to the kitchen where he sat down at the small table and Antonia walked around getting what she needed to make tea as she set the kettle filled with water over the fire.

"What do you wish to know Arthur?" she asked.

Arthur tried to think of what he needed to know, but he didn't even know the girl's name. "Would you mind telling me your name? I'm afraid calling you girl would be an insult to your intelligence as you are clearly quite mature."

"My name is Antonia," she said with a smile. From what Tio Sadiq had told her while they left her mother alone and Lovino fell asleep, he was quite the gentleman yet he still managed to do things and say things she didn't expect.

"Right, Antonia," England said, though he couldn't help but shake the belief that she looked similar to someone he knew he couldn't place it since she acted so much like her mother, even with her hair braided back compared to her mother's being left down, "has this ever happened before?"

"Not this specifically," Antonia said thoughtfully, trying to remember other incidents in which her mother was injured or sick from nothing, something she now knew was tied to her bond as part of a country, something she had said she'd given up. "Sometimes she gets sick or gets random bruising, but she's never collapsed from fever and possible broken bones before."

England nodded, that was something he had expected. While he didn't know the specifics of the symbols he had seen yet, he knew that there was a high probability that Lovina didn't know it was there or if it was why the attacks were occurring. "Can you explain for me?"

Antonia shrugged as she took the kettle off the stove and poured the hot water into two cups with loose leaf tea. "Mama, Lovino, and I are all a bit clumsy, so sometimes the bruises are written off as accidents when they happen. She doesn't get sick terribly often, but when she does it varies on how long she gets better even with a good doctor and medication."

"I see," England said thoughtfully.

"Do you have any idea why this is happening to mama?" Antonia asked. She was curious. So far there had been nothing to suggest he knew anything about why, but she wanted to help too.

"I have an idea yes, as improbable and impossible as it seems," he said carefully.

Antonia sighed. "Does it have something to do with the symbol mama has?"

"You know of it?" he asked, taking a sip of the tea and deeming it acceptable.

"Yes, but I doubt mama does. It's only there sometimes and sometimes it's not. I've never told anyone, but I think I can tell you," Antonia said calculating.

England glanced over at her startled. "Tell me what exactly?"

"I see things that aren't there sometimes, magic stuff, like runes, and I can tell when someone has been cursed or blessed. It's like seeing double sometimes, it's there but not," she admitted.

It was a shock of course, England had never heard of anyone this far with such a gift except a few wanderers in Greece, though Italy did hold some seers he had never believed there to be any magical talent here. "Can you do anything with the magic you see?"

"I'm afraid to. I don't want to hurt anyone and it's not like it's something I can be trained in," Antonia said looking down, clutching her cup of tea in her grasp. She raised it to her lips and took a sip. It was a bit bitter, but had a sweet aftertaste, just the kind she liked.

"Yes, that is true," England muttered. "I can't really help you except to tell you it's best to practice with it or it could overwhelm you. Meditation can help sometimes, but the more you practice the easier it will be to control."

"You don't seem very surprised," Antonia commented gratefully.

England shrugged. "Where I come from there are people gifted with magic, usually darker magic, and the ability to See magical creatures, such a gift is known as Sight. In other countries there are also practitioners and Italy I believe still has Gypsy blood in it so if you are descended from one it is not too uncommon that you might inherit the gift."

Antonia stared at the man before her. He was honest and didn't withhold any information from her because she was young. He saw her as intelligent and he thought her conversation worthwhile. He was not humoring her as some had done, but he was telling her the facts based on what he knew.

"Thank you," she said. She meant those two words now more than she ever had before. She had known her brother did not have the gift she did, she had known her mother had been under stress and had been too worried to confront her, but the man before her had talked to her and eased those worries. The part of her that was different was not something that she had need to fear, it didn't make her different from anyone else, just unique.

England smiled at her in understanding as there where very few people in the world to hold any claims to magic, sight, and the other gifts that the earth had once bestowed the ancient countries. It made him feel old because she was so young, but she was so grateful to him, because he had told her she was not alone. "You're welcome."

At that moment Antonia resolved she would talk to this country, England she believed from the obvious accent, when it was all over. She would help him because he had helped her, even if he hadn't known it until the words of gratitude left her lips. The world was about to change in a way she couldn't predict even with her mother's teachings and it would take the world by the storm. It would be something to see and see it she would for it would be like never before.

A/N: So far on Turkey's pairing's I've got this:

TurkeyxGreece – 2

TurkeyxEgypt – 6

I still need reviews on the children's pairings as the next few chapters will begin to pick up and they will mature similarly to the countries. If those of you who like USUK would please read my Cardverse fic Regrets and give it some feedback I'd appreciate it. Five reviews, two of which from an author very good at angst, hardly tells me if it's well-written or has any mistakes. I can't say the situation has changed any but I'll probably be living with a friend for a while.


	11. Chapter 11

Summary: Lovina gave up everything for her chance at happiness, but time and fate are cruel, willing to pull her into a storm of suffering. In the end there can only be one price to be paid, but choices can change it. The question is: who is willing to tempt it?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia Axis Power, but I own my overly random plotline and any OCs I throw in.

A Thousand Reasons

Chapter 11: To Be Heard

"Feel better Lovina?" Alfred smiled, running his fingers through her hair, while her face was still buried in his shoulder, making her blush hotly as she pushed away.

"Stupid hamburger bastard, you just had to ruin the moment," she huffed, but a small smile was on her face showing she didn't really mean it.

Alfred grinned. "It's the Hero's job to cheer up pretty damsels!"

"I'm not a damsel bastard!" she shouted, drawing the attention of the other inhabitants of the house. Footsteps could be heard as they made their way to her room and she glared at Alfred because now they wouldn't be able to talk alone about what needed to be said at all. She had questions and she knew the nosy bastard did as well.

A knock on the door interrupted before America could say anything. "Come in," Lovina called, as the two people she didn't expect walked in…well that's not true she expected Antonia, but not for Arthur to be with her as usually Sadiq would be the one to come. She raised an eyebrow at her daughter.

Antonia looked at her mother's questioning gaze and blushed a bit before shrugging. Lovina sighed in acceptance that it was something she had in common with her daughter. While her instincts generally cried run from the crazy British bastard who has no sense of taste and once conquered a third of the world, almost succeeding in taking the world itself, she knew they had many personality traits in common that would be all too easy to make them friends.

"Hello Arthur," Lovina greeted cordially. "I take it you have questions?"

"Yes," Arthur said curtly, causing Antonia to lift a brow at the change of character. "When I was here and examined you the other day I noticed something odd and wished to examine you again, with permission of course," he added when Lovina looked at him oddly.

Lovina weighed her options. She could either let England examine her and get it over with, letting them research to their hearts desire to working out the oddities of her illness that he would likely never figure out unless he realizes she's a country and the other secrets she's been keeping or she could refrain from it and let him wing it. Personally she didn't really have the faintest idea what was occurring either so leaving it alone could be risky.

Finally, she nodded her ascent. "Try to be careful when you undo the bindings as I will be of little help. The doc said I shouldn't stress my ribs too much and I should limit my own movement. Alfred maybe you could help me sit up a bit more to make it easier?"

Lovina's voice gave nothing away, but her eyes pleaded with America. She needed him to help her because really, she doubted she was strong enough to do it on her own.

"Mama, are you sure it's okay?" Antonia asked hesitantly. She liked the two men well enough, they had been nothing but helpful…but at the same time they were still strangers to her and she didn't trust them with her mother. She didn't trust them not to hurt her, even if by accident.

"I'll be fine sweetie," Lovina waved her daughter's concern away with a strange but confident look. "Why don't you go and tell your uncle Sadiq what is going on and keep an eye on your fratellino?"

"Si, mama," Antonia answered, knowing her mother was keeping something from her but unable to ask with the two men here.

"I'll be fine 'Nia," Lovina said, trying to ease her daughter's worries. "I trust them."

Oddly enough the statement was true, though it drew raised eyebrows from her daughter and England, Antonia understood and left. America was glad. He was glad to finally have the chance to prove that he could be a hero to someone, that he could protect someone. He was glad to have her trust, because no one else had ever considered he meant was he said and believed in him so much as Lovina had just said she did with the simple statement.

America maneuvered himself behind Lovina's body, holding her against him and lifting the shirt just enough for England to unwrap the bandages around her torso and reveal her lower back. Conversationally England asked, "So how did you and Alfred meet? You obviously know each other."

It was something that stung England without the uncovered memories Lovina realized, though Alfred remained oblivious as he said, "Oh, we've known each other a while. She's a _special friend_."

Lovina elbowed him before he could say more. She could see the hurt in England's eyes and she remembered a time she too had bore that look. Whenever Spain had said he loved someone other than her, whenever Spain had admitted to wishing it was North Italy he had rather than her, and whenever she wished the one she loved would just look her way and realize she loved him all along. It was a painful sort of love when you loved the ignorant, but it was also the sweet and innocent kind that breaks your heart without fail.

England burned with jealousy. He had always questioned the bond between he and Alfred after the war, but America…he always seemed to hate him. What's more, England was bitter about America cutting ties with him. He had loved America with everything he had, given him everything, and that bond was shattered. Yet…England could not help but still love the childish man for his idealism, strength, and optimism. America was the change that took the world by the storm and he drew them in and changed them with him.

"We met a few years ago, just before I moved here," Lovina said, creating a cover story. "He cheered me up when I was feeling distressed because I gave up the man I love."

England looked at her, but she just looked at him with eyes full of understanding. She _knew_, because she too had been in that position. She had loved and she had lost, but she still loved the man who left her. Just as England still loved America, just as Arthur could never hurt Alfred by trying to hold him again, because someone free lived that way, they would never consent to the life of belonging solely to one person; they would always belong to _everyone_.

"What does it look like Arthur?" Lovina asked, trying to change the subject.

Arthur prodded her injury a bit but not enough to hurt her. "The doctor was right about you needing the rest to heal. I have a question for you though. Do you by any chance have Gypsy blood in your family?"

Lovina shifted uncomfortably at the prod, but froze at the question. "I may…might I ask how this is relevant?"

"It is relevant because it seems that you have had contact with a strong magic that is influencing you," Arthur replied. "Also because your daughter is portraying similar traits as well that indicates old blood."

"I see," Lovina said softly. "Why would she not tell me of this?"

"She most likely did not wish to worry you," Arthur shrugged off the reply staring at the marking that he realized her daughter was quite correct about. It was there…but it wasn't. It was symbolic to something that he couldn't guess and he would need far more research to figure it out. America was right as well, he'd need to bring in help from Norway and Romania…possibly the descendants of ancient cultures as well.

"Thank you for telling me," Lovina responded. She hadn't had any time to think to the old days of the travelling gypsy camps in a long while, nor had she portrayed the talent her daughter now seemed to possess in abundance compared to her own paltry supply of magic. "Is that everything?"

"Yes, I believe so," Arthur responded as he wrapped her bandages again, careful not to aggravate her sides.

"If that is all Arthur, I need to speak to Alfred alone," Lovina muttered, thinking of ways she might be able to help her daughter. Magic was unstable at the best and at worst it was destructive. It took away sanity, life, and it affected the user's life greatly. She had to find a way to help her daughter, even if it meant coming clean and returning to the countries.

England nodded, but before he could leave fully she said, "Arthur, the greatest gift in life is the freedom to be happy. Don't throw away a chance at happiness by being too afraid to take a risk. That's how I lost my love. I took the risk too late."

England left, but the words struck him deep. He hated to think he was similar to the woman that America was in there acting a hero for, because a long time ago America had promised to be his hero, it felt like he was being replaced. He shivered at the cold finality of her words and he wondered, just how far down the path of loneliness had she gone to be so certain, to know enough of his feelings, to compare himself to her.

"We need a plan America," Lovina said.

"You can call me Alfred," he said. "We're friends aren't we? Besides, I have half a plan."

"Half?" she queried with a raised eyebrow.

He chuckled sheepishly, "I'm still working on the other half. So far the plan is for me to go with Arthur and help research that crazy symbol on your back he insists is there and search out help in figuring out what it means and how it affects you. You will stay here under the watch of Turkey and explain things as best you can to your children until I can figure out the why we have our memories and what your children represent since as far as we know nations can't have kids."

"For someone who plays an idiot, that's a really good plan," Lovina praised him. His answering smile was infectious.

"Thanks! Now then, I am off to put the first part of the plan into action and we shall contemplate where to go once we have some answers!" he exclaimed, carefully laying her back down in bed as he bounded off to join Arthur on their 'quest to help the damsel'.

Lovina smiled at Alfred's eagerness. He was still so much the same, untouched by the worldly troubles and optimistic and such a loveable idiot. He made it nice, having someone to talk to. He didn't drown her out or outright ignore her, he seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say and Lovina felt a rising happiness at the thought that this is what it was like just to be heard.

A/N: Yay! Another chapter done and out of the way of like…you know I think this story might reach 40 chapters unless I make each chapter longer…hmm…fewer updates and longer chapters or frequent updates that are somewhat short? What do you guys think? Oh and if I don't get any votes for the children's pairings, they are going to look about 16 in a few chapters due to…well that's a secret until I get the chapters out, but if there's no votes I am putting Antonia with Iceland so that I can have Norway teach her magic and force a bond between the brothers and Lovino with South Korea…because they'd be cute and a bit cracky…


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia Axis Power, but I own my overly random plotline and any OCs I throw in.

A Thousand Reasons

Chapter 12: Interlude: Grandpa Rome part 2

Rome was in Deep Thought. Something Germania learned long ago was a sign of Bad Things to Come, but no matter how he tried to talk to the other, Rome seemed so lost in thought he did not hear his calls, which was unusual considering his need to bother the other for long periods of time.

Finally, Germania hit Rome on the head. Rome stared at his friend blankly, blinking in confusion before a blinding smile lit up his face. "Salve, Germania!"

"Rome," he said back.

"How've you been? Have you seen my grandson? Isn't he adorable with yours! They make such a cute couple don't you think?" Rome let loose the flurry of questions before Germania even had a chance to ask his old friend what was bothering him.

Choosing to answer his friend as monosyllabically as possible Germania grunted, "I am fine. Yes. I do not know nor do I care."

"That's not nice Germania!" Rome whined pitifully. Germania's eyebrow twitched. How this country had been a great empire he'd never know but he certainly knew where the grandson got his airheaded behavior and questionable personality from.

"I never said I was nice," Germania stated.

"No…but you look nice," Rome said, poking his friend's cheek.

Germania pushed his friend's hand away from his face. "No I do not. Rome stop this childishness now."

Rome pouted. "But it's fun…"

"Fun for whom?" Germania grumbled knowing the man had to be doing this just to get on his nerves.

"For me," Rome sang. "Besides, someone told me you were nice, ages and ages ago~!"

"Who was it?" Germania asked.

"Why?"

Germania glared. "So I can go kill the bastard for lying to you and deluding you into believing it."

"Ahaha~!" Rome laughed. "Oh…but why are you here?"

"Why indeed," Germania sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You were lost in Deep Thought territory. I wanted to know why."

"Oh…" Rome sighed. "Well…you see…the thing is…" he faltered under Germania's intense glare. "I…don't know…either?"

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"Telling?"

"You're an idiot Rome."

"So you tell me," he responded smiling.

"What do you mean you don't know?" queried Germania, clearly Rome just forgot, it's not impossible that with how long a nation lives for them to not remember specific details.

Rome scratched his chin and gazed up at the cloud, sitting down. "Well, that's exactly it. I feel like I've forgotten something that I should remember and I don't know what it is because it's like it's part of my memory that exists but doesn't."

"You know that makes no sense right?" asked Germania as he too took a seat in order to contemplate the confusing matter that Rome had put before him.

"I know it doesn't," Rome said conversationally, unusually serious despite himself. "There's something wrong and I don't know what. A shadow that covers something important. The other day I was watching Italy and there was an earthquake in his land…"

"I can understand how that would worry you," Germania said, putting a comforting hand on Rome's shoulder.

Rome shook his head. "That's not it. Well, that is, but it isn't."

"Explain," Germania commanded.

"Well, the thing is," Rome trailed off thoughtfully before trying to word the problem simply. "The earthquake did not harm him. No scratch or cough or the barest hint of illness nations usually get from a problem occurring."

"What?" Germania said, shocked to the core. "That…that's impossible."

"That's what I was thinking, so I started thinking about why it might have happened…and this is where I came up blank, like it's part of my memory but isn't," Rome said. "I get the feeling that there is a nation missing. One that should be there but isn't and it is unclear to me as to how this has happened or why."

"This is troubling, old friend," Germania said contemplatively. "We must tell the others soon."

Rome shook his head. "I do not wish to tell Native America, Ancient Greece, Ancient Egypt, or any of the others. It will worry them. I tell you, because you are my friend, I trust you and know you can help me."

Germania sighed. "I do not know what you expect of me Rome, but for the sake of our friendship, I will try my best."

"Thank you," Rome smiled. "Oh! There's one other thing."

Germania's eye twitched. "You left something out that could be important?"

Rome let out a nervous laugh. "Well, I was kind of hoping it meant nothing, but thinking about it, it probably means something. I keep having the strangest dream. In it I see my cute little Italy and occasionally I see a second figure that looks like him but is not and I get these feelings, different from Italy too, I feel loneliness, pride, irritation, and distance. I feel like I know this person, but shadows cling to them and their entire gait shows sadness and rejection, like it has happened before and it will happen again so the figure chooses to remain in the shadows. It had me thinking about what makes us nations and what makes us people, if somehow this was a nation who had given up on being one."

"That's impossible," Germania said thinking aloud. "The only way for that to happen would be if two people represented the same nation and one was weaker than the other, however the result would be that the weaker nation would be overpowered and absorbed into the stronger half or if extenuating circumstances surrounded the case. But neither situation has occurred…"

"That we know of," Rome interjected. "If it affects memory, I doubt we'd know and all I know is that something is wrong. Something has to change soon or something bad will happen. We have to find out the truth."

"And where do you suppose we start searching?" Germania asked, eyebrow raised at his friend's sudden burst of logic and using it to apply it to the situation at hand.

"Turkey has been suspicious lately," Rome shrugged. "I think he knows what is going on, but I doubt he'd say. I was planning on going to watch him for a few days, see if it turns up anything."

Germania shook his head. "Is it just because of Turkey or is it because he'll be staying in your grandson's country doing things while you find his suspicious?"

"A bit of both," Rome admitted sheepishly.

Germania sighed. The end of this unnerving situation would not come soon enough, he just hoped that whatever was happening would not end in disaster.

A/N: Chapters after this will get longer and we will finally be past the weak Lovina phase of the story. This interlude just needed to get out of the way so I can move on with another for Spain, move on to Arthur and Alfred, and finally get back to the actual story line and progressing it with Lovina and the others too. Happy Valentine's Day!


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia Axis Power, but I own my overly random plotline and any OCs I throw in.

A Thousand Reasons

Chapter 13: Interlude: Antonio part 2

Spain was unsure of why he was spending so much time in Italy, it was not an uncommon occurrence since he often found himself contemplating his feelings. At one time he had thought himself completely in love with Italy because he was so adorable and cute and he looked so innocent. At one time he thought he had Italy, but he could not recall why and so he spent his time in Italy, southern more often than northern, trying to figure out what had caused the shift. Other than the thoughts of the young woman, because that was a ridiculous notion and surely someone would recall if a country was missing.

The more he thought about her the more something stirred inside him, Spain could feel longing and pain, but they would always vanish before he could decipher them. Often he felt as though he were chasing a phantom or a spirit, something unreachable that he would be forever distant from and the lingering memory would fade until he once more would think of her.

He knew why he was entranced with her, what could have enticed him in his state that evening to go with that woman and lay with her. She looked like temptation, beautiful, wild, untamable, fierce, but when he had left he could not stop thinking of how lonely she seemed. Her home, he doubted it was a home, was void of anything that made a place feel comfortable and it seemed to be a shell that preserved her rather than a place she truly lived and wanted to spend her life.

For other reasons, she reminded him of Italy, not in the sense of innocence because everyone knows there are different kinds of innocence, but in the warmth she presented, the life and fire she brought out in people, even he could see her passion and loyalty. That woman also was not a prize to be won, not the type of woman to fall for any man, she had definitely been the type to make a man prove himself to her through loyalty and love, but he did not know how he had managed to slip between the cracks. The familiarity and the memories would seep into his mind and just as suddenly leave him wondering, he did not understand the emotions he would feel, because there was nothing to support them and he wondered how the woman had managed to get him to feel something so deeply in so little time.

Not paying attention to where he was going he accidentally bumped into someone and knocked them to the ground. His mind caught up with his body and he offered his hand to the fallen person only to find himself staring into familiar eyes. "Veneziano? _Lo siento_ I was not paying attention."

The boy on the ground stared at him curiously and he realized this could not be Italy. He was younger, barely entering his teenage years. "_No problema_, I wasn't paying attention either. Who's Veneziano? I feel like I should know that name…"

"Ah!" Spain backtracked, "No, I said Feliciano, he's a coworker of mine and you look alike, but you're younger, and I was startled."

"Oh, okay then. My name's Lovino," he said staring curiously at the intriguing stranger. Lovino felt like her should know this man, this man was familiar to him, but he didn't know why.

"Lovino? That's a nice name~! I'm Antonio," he responded brightly, before looking around and realizing he was horribly lost.

"Is something wrong?" Lovino could not help but ask.

"Not really…" Antonio replied uncertainly.

"Okay. Want a tomato?" Lovino offered, pulling one from one of the few bags Antonio just noticed the boy was carrying.

"Si~, that sounds _bueno_ right now," Antonio answered, taking the offered tomato.

The two walked around in companionable silence, neither willing to admit they had forgotten their thoughts when they had bumped into each other or the oddity of the sense of familiarity between them. It was not until well into their walk that a voice called out, "Oi! _Idiota_! _Che palle_, _fratellino_! You were supposed to be back hours ago! Mama and I ask you to do simple shopping and what do you do? Go out and walk around! You probably didn't buy everything on the list either!"

Lovino turned to the person addressing him and Antonio unwittingly did the same only to find that he was looking into a mirror, of himself as a young female. "Cute~!"

Antonia looked at the man critically. "And who is this idiot? I thought I told you no more strays!"

"Well, I left the house like you and mama told me to and went to the market, but then I saw some kitties and had to play with them, so I-"

Antonia cut him off, once Lovino got started he would tell the whole damn story and not even important things. "Just tell me why you are walking around with a stranger!"

"I bumped into him…or did he bump into me? Either way we were walking and walked into each other so I offered him a tomato and we've just been walking," Lovino said.

Antonia did as she knew her mother would and prayed to God for patience, for she knew that with all the recent stress she had none and her brother tried her patience dearly lately. Finally, she sighed. "I take it you both got lost. Don't even answer me, I can tell. Let's get this idiot back where he belongs," she said with a gesture to Antonio, "so we can go home and stop mama from freaking out more on Tio."

"Eh?" Lovino tilted his head, confused by his sisters words, she confused him sometimes. "Oh! You mean before mama beats up Tio Sadiq and leaves the bed and hurts herself by worrying about us and trying to find us on her own."

"Yes, Lovino, that's exactly what I mean," Antonia said with a sigh of exasperation.

"Sadiq? Is he a Turkish man who wears a mask?" Antonio asked, suddenly very interested in the siblings. "Come to think of it, I think he left the meeting after talking to some kids on the phone, was that you?"

Antonia studied him with a glare. She didn't care for people who put their nose into other people's business, but he seemed to know Sadiq which would make him the same as Arthur and Alfred. Another country. Sheesh, these bastards were just cropping up all over the place lately. Not that it was important compared to what she had to talk to her mother about something important later. "

"Yes he is a Turkish man with a mask. Who are you to ask questions like that bastard?" Antonia shot back, no way was she letting this stranger interfere. She knew by the looks of him this was probably their father, some father he was stupid bastard hurt their mother and can't even tell that Lovino and her were his kids…then again mama did say their papa was an idiot and acted like Lovino when she would rant. Not that she ranted about him often, but she did talk a lot in her sleep.

"Ah, no one I guess, I just work with him and I'd never seen him worried like that, or speak Spanish either," Antonio said with a grin. It was true though. Countries tended to not let others see their vulnerabilities lest the others take advantage, but whatever had Turkey worked up had to be something big. Even when they were together as part of Rome's empire they hadn't gotten along but it was rare for Turkey to show any concern.

"Tch, whatever, stupid bastard. Where are you staying?"

"Uhm…"

"You don't know do you?"

"No?"

"Are you asking me or telling me? You're supposed to be the adult here bastard!" Antonia shouted.

Antonio laughed sheepishly. "Telling? And anyway you shouldn't use curse words like that! People will think you hate them or something and they won't like you."

Antonia didn't let his words affect her. She knew her mother must have heard those words before too, she couldn't help but wonder how her mother had fallen in love with someone who could hurt others without even realizing it. "I don't care what others think. Only _il mia famiglia_ has any right to judge me, because for them I would shoulder all the burdens in the world if it made them happy."

Antonio couldn't help but let out a nervous laugh. The young girl, no, young woman, for she had exceeded the intelligence of children, was so…honest about what she had said. He had no doubt that she would, if it was for her family, do whatever she could for them. She was so different, and in her he was reminded once more of the woman from years before. It seemed she would continue to haunt his mind a while longer. "What about those who would wish to be close to you? When you're older don't you want to have a family of your own?"

"When it comes to that…then I will make a choice, but my family will forever come first in my heart, _chiunque altro è second (anyone else is second)_."

"That sounds like a lonely way to live," Antonio said after a few minutes.

Antonia shrugged. "My mother has sacrificed herself for us, but I will sacrifice everything I have if only to see her as happy as she should be. She raised us alone with only tio, not even her brother or lover, and she gave up everything that could have made her happy for us. I am grateful to mama, really and truly, but I do not wish to see her suffer as she does. Every day I go to the church and I pray that someone will come to save her, I pray that she will be happy, I pray for my family's protection and their happiness and ask nothing for myself because they are everything and what I need God will provide for me. I will never be lonely as long as I walk with God."

"You…you are a strange person," Antonio said. "What is your name?"

She looked at him, she had no desire to tell him her full name, lest she raise suspicion, not that it wasn't bad enough she looked like him but also had the female name of his. A keepsake, remembrance and she knew it was her mother's way of preserving the love she had thought she would never have. "Everyone here call's me 'Nia."

"'Nia? A strange but fitting name for a strange, but strong girl. You will grow up to make your mother very proud," Antonio complimented.

"I hope so," Antonia whispered, but secrets, she knew her family had several no matter how small a family they were, but the reasons behind them she could interpret. She was learning to both love and hate the side effects of having the 'gifts' Arthur called her heritage.

"We will meet again, Antonio, for now, fare thee well," Antonia said, as she pulled Lovino along with her. The two began leaving before Antonio could reply to her strange goodbye. Antonio stared after the two before he realized she had somehow known where to take him all along and had led him right to the place he was meant to be. What strange children they were, but he knew they had left an impression on him.

The younger one who resembled him, he couldn't shake her words, her absolute faith and love, her loyalty, they were qualities countries valued, qualities he had never seen so perfectly preserved into a human child that had not wavered in her decisions. She was so confident in her choices, and Antonio did not doubt that she would very much so achieve whatever it was she set out to do when the time came.

It was odd the more he thought about the two the more he could not help but think that the two, the twins if he was to believe it, were an odd combination in personality and looks. Almost like him and Italy, which was not possible, namely because for one he wasn't in a relationship with Italy and two because Italy had a carefree personality, not one bit like the girl. That girl…she was something to be feared in the world, much like America. She was full of opportunity, life, confidence, and promise, she was someone who could take the world by surprise, shake it up, and change it without anyone ever knowing. She could change the world with words as weapons.

It was not often that Spain thought of someone having potential, unlike England who had always sought out those who had power and potential, even though England had been around the majority of the world changes until America changed everything. This could be something too, and it made him shudder to think that the world really had no idea.

Antonia walked humming Scarborough Fair, Lovino besides her staring curiously at his elder sister. She couldn't help but wonder if it was her mother's will that controlled the memories of the others or a spell, but whatever the cause, it was weakening and with it her mother, but not in the way people thought. No she was very much her mother's daughter and she had a plan to take her mother's place, because she had no other role to fill, but her mother had deserved the happiness she was denied.

_"Are you going to Scarborough Fair? Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme.  
Remember me to the one who lives there... She once was a true love of mine..."_

A/N: I have no idea where this came from…or why it was so awkward but it amused me and I'm happy that this chapter is at least a little longer than the others have been. I know it isn't quite the 3000 I promised, but it is also just an interlude, for some reason the interludes like being short. Now then, I'm off to do some homework for Sociology and Professional Communications, two pointless classes as of the moment for I've learned nothing. =(


	14. Chapter 14

Anake14: Hey everyone! I'm back with a longer chapter! *crickets chirp* Well…it was a long month and I had problems, plus I'm well on my way to finishing A Change of Lifestyle, namely because it is a much shorter story than this one. On the bright side, Lovina continues the explanation to her children in this one.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia Axis Power, but I own my overly random plotline and any OCs I throw in.

A Thousand Reasons

Chapter 14: To Admit Mistakes

"Mama! Mama!" called Lovino as he raced up the street to the villa they were currently residing in towards his mother who had chosen to get out of bed and walk around.

"What is it, Lovino?" she asked, smiling at her son's excitement and enthusiasm.

Antonia stalked up behind him, hitting him over the head, making Lovina hide a smile behind her hand as she thought of the times she would do something similar to Feli when he would act that way. "This idiota got lost."

"And I met Papa!" Lovino announced, oblivious to his sister's glare.

Lovina's smile fell, but she quickly made a happy expression for the sake of her son. "Is that so? What did you think of him, bambino?"

"He was funny," Lovino giggled and Lovina couldn't help but smile as she thought of all the times Spain had done something just to make her laugh like that ridiculous cheer-up charm or his attempts to make her smile which usually ended with him in pain and her yelling at him for being an idiot. It seemed that in the years that had gone by he hadn't changed, he was still similar to the man she had fallen in love with…the man who had broke her heart.

Lovina kept her smile in place. "Your papa was a very funny man, a very good man too. He's kind and protective, even though he can be kind of an idiot."

Antonia stared at her mother. Her mother was a beautiful woman, strong, graceful, loyal, protective, but she could be rude and careless with her words, even her actions were sometimes questionable. Antonia loved her mother and she knew that her father must have something in him that made him worth the love her mother gave because she had never seen her mother smile as beautifully as she was talking about the father that had no idea he sired children. "Tell us a story mama, tell us about papa and how you fell in love. Tell us…tell us why everything is as it is," Antonia requested as she and her brother sat beside their mother on the couch in the family room.

Lovina stared at her children with a mix of emotions, she knew this day would come, she knew she would have to tell them, but she had never thought the day would be so soon. "Okay," she said, settling and making herself comfortable as her children curled up around her on the couch wrapped in her arms.

"It was a long time ago, when I was still a little colony, my little brother and I separated. Grandpa Rome took Veneziano with him and taught him the arts and gifted him with all the talents of the Renaissance," she started. "I was alone for a while, our two halves of the country were always governed separately, but one day while I was alone and searching for food and shelter I met an old man, he had no children left to look after him and his grandchildren never spoke to him so he had no one to leave behind is legacy to. I wanted a chance. Sure I was a rude kid and I didn't have any manners, but no one gave me a chance, no one was willing to teach me. This you know as after the old man gave me the chance to learn, to do something that would make at the very least him proud, he passed away and I was given to Spain."

Antonia and Lovino watched their mother, while they had never been good at reading the atmosphere they knew their mother well, they could see her emotions so clearly, her hurt and longing from a time that shouldn't matter anymore…but it did, and they could tell their mother had a soft spot for her part of the country because of it, no matter the violence of the mafia or the dislike and contempt people held for each other, this experience had brought something else out in her.

"Under Spain's rule there was much debate on how useless I was as a colony, the only benefit anyone received was the bounty of my agricultural talents since I reverted to being lazy and rude much to the dismay of many countries. I figured if none of them would give me the chance the old man had on equal standing there was no point in helping them. Spain use to get in so much trouble with his boss because I use to pretend I hadn't a clue how to speak Spanish and whenever I did it was a mockery in order to bad mouth his superiors or get pretty girls to 'kiss' me," she laughed a bit, Lovina probably didn't even realize that her eyes lit up with joy as she recalled such simple things.

"One day Spain left early, it was odd because he never woke up early and could be considered lazier than I was at the time, but I later found out he had gone to see Austria to get help. Something about him not knowing how to handle me or whatever," she waved dismissively as her children continued to listen and watch her in a trance. "Well that day he met my 'perfect' little brother and wanted to trade him for me with Austria, who said no of course and he came back home so disappointed. It hurt a lot and I had to go back to my own lands for a bit after that which was when Turkey, and apparently France as I later heard from Spain who I yelled at for following me, tried to kidnap me."

"I don't get it. How did you fall in love with papa if you went out of your way to make him sad?" asked Lovino.

"I was angry, bambino," Lovina said softly. "I was angry and hurt and I wanted to get back at everyone else because they loved my brother. I loved him too, don't get me wrong, I love Feliciano and will always love him and protect him as best I can…but I was young and I needed something I wasn't being given. I needed love and I needed someone who would understand me. Ironically enough it was on a trip with Spain to visit France in what we called The New World at the time that I found exactly what it was I needed."

"How so?" asked Antonia, an eyebrow quirked curiously, a habit from her mother.

"I made a friend," she said, smile back in place as she thought of her intense dislike for the New World when it had first been discovered, Spain's long absences leaving her alone for long periods of time and how when he got home she was always the first person he would go see. "His name was Matthew Williams, the personification of Canada, older brother to Alfred F. Jones, the personification of the United States of America."

"He and I had a lot in common, more than I initially thought," she admitted. "See I didn't like the New World all too well, it was always taking Spain away from me on various conquests and fights to get more gold, plus he had conflicts with England at the time and the whole point of discovery of the New World was a battle between Spain, France, and England who were constantly at war. I went with Spain to go see France, they had something to talk about and I think Prussia might have been there at the time with his empire. I wandered off and I met a boy who looked the same age as I was, he was shy, polite, and a bit invisible to others, but I saw him. He introduced himself, said that it was his land and he was just glad someone could see him. Matthew, as I later found out, was overshadowed by his brother America much like I was by Veneziano, and people were always forgetting him. I remember how beautiful his smile was when I promised I'd always be his friend and never forget him, I don't think I've ever seen anyone so happy or grateful to know _me_ and in return he promised the same. He acknowledged me, the first to do so since the old man, and he made me feel like I belonged."

"We spent the day walking through his forests; he showed me rivers, springs, waterfalls, and meadows. We even saw a few of his indigenous people, the ones who made him before the others settled on his land. It was the first time someone had ever laughed with me," Lovina commented fondly. "When we separated we wrote to each other as best we could, we tried to meet and hang out, he was my first friend, my only friend. He was the first to notice I loved Spain, he helped me realize it and held me when I cried because of it. I didn't want to love Spain and I hated him for making me love him."

"Why did you hate him for making you love him?" asked Lovino curiously. It didn't make sense to him. How did one love and hate the same person?

"I hated him because I loved him, Lovino," she whispered, not noticing Antonia watching her facial expressions as her eyes grew haunted, almost like she was remembering something painful rather than a memory built on love. "I hated him because he loved and doted on my brother, I hated him because whenever he did notice me it was always after I had done something wrong, I hated him because he did not love me the way I loved him, but most of all I hated him because he protected me and started helping me when no one else did."

"Love is never going to be a simple emotion, it's like a fire, it burns with warmth and hurt in equal amounts," Lovina explained. "I loved him because he was the first to teach me how to love. Where Canada was my first friend, because he treated me like an equal, Spain was the first to treat me like he cared and I loved him for it. I loved him because he protected me and held me at some value, he fought wars just to keep me as his and he never regretted it. He was the one constant in my life even after I had become my own nation he was still there, still helping me and fighting with me or for me, but I always felt inferior. He was affectionate and loves cute things, easily distracted and slightly confusing. I was never sure with him. I could never tell if he felt for me what I felt for him and my brother was still in the equation even though he had grown to love his ally Germany."

"How was uncle part of it?" queried Antonia, a bit wary of how her mother would answer.

"Your father had never quite gotten past how much better my brother was than me at various things and like to compare the two of us. Occasionally he would say he loved Italy, and I never knew which half he meant," she responded in a light tone, her eyes looked tired, much older than they had known she was, but their mother had lived through more than they had and honestly thought it was to be expected. "Nearly 21 years ago I decided I had had enough of it all. I wanted to put an end to my uncertainty and I had just the plan to do so. When we were younger my brother fell in love with a personification named Holy Roman Empire, when the empire collapsed he became known as Germany and I was one of few to ever make the connection. Germany had no memory of this, so I invited my brother and Germany over, I asked only that they wait two days, so that the next day I could put my plan into action. I wanted for one day to be perfect, for me to be able to admit my love and express myself."

Lovina huffed a bit, recalling how badly that plan fell apart. "The next day I woke up and it started off badly which really should have been my first clue, Spain called me by my fratellino's name. Then I made us breakfast and let him hold me where normally I would have hit him for being so clingy, but I really wanted to be held at that moment for a bit of reassurance that he cared for me. My brother hadn't been listening while I had talked to him on the phone, it turns out he had been making pasta, meaning he was distracted and came over while I was clearing up the stuff from breakfast. I should have made them leave and let the discussion wait for the next day…but I figured there was no true point in delaying it, so I pulled Germany away from Feli so we could talk, so I could finally have some semblance that if they truly pursued the relationship my brother wanted that Germany would protect him in my place. I forced Germany to remember his past, to recall being Holy Roman Empire, I made him promise he would never hurt my brother as he had in the past by breaking his promise of not returning to him, I made him promise that if he thought himself or myself a threat to Feli he would protect Feli by dealing with it."

"You said you should have known it was going wrong…what happened mama? What made you so sad?" Antonia asked.

"Germany finally had my approval, something he and I never thought would occur, but I was tired and holding a petty grudge against him meant nothing because he couldn't remember and now that he had I had gotten a promise it would not happen again," she continued, not entirely ignoring her daughters question as she stared at a painting she had hung on the wall near the window, it was a memory forever tainted in her mind, it was her dream and something she had longed for, something she doubted she would have. "When we walked in to the kitchen it was to the sight of my brother kissing the man I loved. I felt my heart break, but before I ran I finally said the words I struggled to say for years, I finally told him I loved him. At that point only my brother knew I was female, I ran to a field and cried alone, and then I picked myself up, went to the airport, picked out some clothes, and changed in a bathroom. No one suspected I was female pretending to be male, and I hid myself away from the world, I hid amongst humans and made friends, people who accepted me better than any nations did and I wasn't even here amongst my own people. In the back of my mind I hadn't stopped hurting though. I still cared for them, still loved them and wanted to know how they were, I still needed to be sure everything was alright without me, because if it was I wanted to give up my land, I would no longer be the unneeded half nation of Italy, and my brother would be as he was always told he had been."

"It's so much easier to pretend you don't care…to lie and refuse to acknowledge something, than it is to admit it's killing you inside," Lovina said, tracing shapes onto the couch cushion. "For me it's difficult, to admit my mistakes aloud. I know my faults and always having them thrown back, well it was bound to take its toll eventually. By the time I realized I needed someone I…I was so afraid of being hurt I didn't want to risk it anymore. Even then I consciously knew that I was setting myself up for hurt, but I was in love and I loved so completely."

"In my mind I made a list, a list of nations I could call and ask, but in the end it was only Canada, who still remained the forgotten, inferior brother of America and my best friend, that I trusted enough to speak to," Lovina stated. The story was taking a lot from her, it was draining her of her emotions, but in their place she felt something else, a sort of contentment for the knowledge that her children were listening, they were far more mature than most nations were at this point and she knew that because they were not judging her for what had happened in the past, all they cared about was that their mother was finally telling them why they were different, telling them about herself and part of how she became who she was. "Canada, Mattie, came to visit me, didn't care that I was a girl and hung out with me for the entire day. He told me about how my brother was still with Germany, that Spain was slowly falling apart, and he convinced me I was needed, to go to one more World Meeting before I actually went through with my dramatic plan of giving up my land and living the life of a normal human."

"And so I went," she smiled a bit remembering the amusing looks on everyone's faces that she was female, "and I spoke with them, but in the end I left it up to a bet. If Antonio would spend a month going out with me, _courting_ me, and convincing me it would be worth remaining a nation I would return, however he had to meet my human friends and convince them he was best for me as well. It started out well enough, they followed me to the park I had built as a recreational project as I drew images of people for a small amount of money per person and then we went to go meet up with my friends who I usually cooked lunch for every other week. It was the conversation where it all went wrong. When we were going to eat lunch Antonio and I had a slight disagreement, about his friends, his choices, and where I fit into it all. We went back to my place and I admitted he didn't protect me as much as he thought he did and showed him a few of the scars I have, he left upset, but he turned his back on me and walked away. I waited almost the full month for him to return, but he wasn't. I met Mattie and Gilbert, Prussia who had finally gotten over himself long enough to admit his feelings for Matthew and get together with him, and told them what had happened, what I had decided. Later that night, after I had already completed and faxed the paperwork, your father came to me, it was the last time I saw him."

"I had thought it to be a dream when I woke up alone, but that was not the case and I didn't know what to do with myself until I finally resolved to move on and return to Southern Italy where I belonged," her throat felt dry, talking so much and the silent tears that fell through the story were not helping in the least, as she spoke. "The week before I was due to leave the nations contacted me for a drawing, they wanted me to draw them altogether, so I invited them to a small restaurant where I performed songs and created the drawing they requested. It was later that evening I found out Sadiq, Turkey of all people, could recall who I was and he promised to take care of me. I did not find out I was pregnant until the next year. Female nations bleed once a year, it is a release of the blood of our people who died during that year and we mourn them, but because I had released myself of the land I did not know what to expect and I did not feel the complete separation, almost as though I was still partially bound to it. It took nine years for you two to be born and you've aged like humans since you were born, however lately you've had a few growth spurts that indicate you might be similar to nations though not nations yourselves. When you were born Turkey promised to help as best he could and for that I'm grateful, because he became the new constant in my life and he's helped us more than I thought he would…"

Lovina's voice trailed off. She didn't know what to say anymore, it was all out there, everything in the open, and she had no idea what her children would think of her let alone themselves. Regardless of the story they would never know the pains she had, they would never be unloved. She was their true mother, something nations did not have, and she loved them unconditionally.

"It's okay mama, you're not alone, you'll never be alone again," Antonia said. It was odd to be comforted by her children, but she was happy because this was her family, this was where she belonged and she was glad to finally have a place. As she looked over at Lovino she saw him nod in agreement and she smiled because her children were not angry with her; not angry that she kept the truth from them or angry that she hadn't told their father, they just accepted it. They were so mature and she was glad for that, because they would need that maturity to live if anything happened to her.

Lovina watched her children with pride. They were the best part of her, everything she needed she had in them and she felt her wants did not matter. She had made so many mistakes in her life she was glad she could say her children weren't part of them, but telling them her mistakes had relieved her, made her feel as though part of her burden had been lifted. Just this once the reasons she held on to her mistakes didn't matter, because she finally found the ones that made it alright. She found the reasons it was alright to admit mistakes.

A/N: Still no idea where this came from since I've had Writer's Block for a few weeks, though it didn't turn out the way I hoped either honestly…I'm out of Sociology and Professional Communications now at least… I've learned nothing in either class, oh joy. =( On a worse note I must learn to drive…save me? (I'm actually mostly not kidding, even my closest friends have commented on how worried they are about me starting to drive…)


End file.
